I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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