I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
