apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
