The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
