I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
