there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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