So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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