The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I need to calm my uterus...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
