He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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