I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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