He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
