the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
