So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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