Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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