i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
