He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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