What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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