I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
