I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
