I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
