Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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