I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
