I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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