So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
