i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
