the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
