Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I met the friendliest cop last night
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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