She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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