He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
