i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
