So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
