I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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