you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
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Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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