I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
