You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
