i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
