i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
