just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
