he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
