Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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