you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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