I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
