is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
