I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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