what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
