Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
