i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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