At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Duck Duck Cougar?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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