I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
