and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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