He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
