i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
