Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
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My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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