Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
