East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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