My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
In America we eat man semen.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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