Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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