Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
