Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
