you traded sex for a burrito?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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