the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
