I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
