Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
