the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
