I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize