i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
