Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
