I'm so fucking centered right now
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
