booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize