I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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