Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
