We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
